Yoga Brings Out The Worst In Me…

By: Jessica Lynne Trese
Hate, fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, judgement – they all come flooding to the surface and they bring up all of my buried crap along the way. The more I practice yoga, the more I find my personal pain coming to the surface – and I LOVE it!!!

I went to my first yoga class after the um-teenth friend suggested I just try it. The suggestions always came up during discussions of spirituality and the meaning of life. Inevitably, the conversation would lead to this recurring phrase: ‘You know, you should really try yoga.’

So one day I did. And it was awesome! I felt great! All of the sudden, I had never felt better in my body. I was calmer, more present and had more energy. I was hooked! Yoga would be in my life forever.

I had no idea how choosing to include yoga in my life would transform my heart and soul. Yoga has allowed me to experience the peace of truly being comfortable with who I am.

This experience of yoga has not always been pleasant, and it doesn’t always feel good. There has been pain. There has been anger, fear, doubt, frustration and more. At the same time, it has been the most wonderful addition to my my life and has brought me more overall health, happiness and joy than anything I’ve ever tried before!

This practice of yoga continues to dredge the lake of my soul and shines light into the darkest corners of my heart, revealing all the shadows I have buried away, and had hoped to never see again. Having to re-experience this past pain is not easy.

My regular Ashtanga practice teaches me to observe my internal fluctuations. I’ve learned to watch the emotions and feelings as they come to the surface and instead of allowing myself to get wrapped up in all the pain and suffering I’ve buried, I am able to remain neutral… well neutral-ish.

Before yoga, neutral wasn’t possible for me. I was easily weighed down by experiences of sadness and grief. I would look for ways to burry and numb these feelings so I could just go back to feeling happy.

But because of the work I do on my yoga mat each day, I now realize when these feelings come up, it’s more than just a time to be reminded of the pain, it’s also an opportunity to release the pain once and for all.

If I can watch the emotions and pain as they come up, without holding onto them, they can finally be released. I can finally let them go, one at a time. And all of the sudden I am no longer weighted down by that pain and my heart is lighter.

Yoga has given me freedom. Freedom to be happy. Freedom to be who I am without the weight of past suffering. Freedom to experience and receive pure LOVE from the world around me. Freedom to give love to the world around me. Freedom.

* About Jessica

* Ashtanga Eco Retreat – September 1-7, 2016

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